Disclaimer: Press sample provided for review. All opinions expressed are my own.
I hope by now you’ve all had a chance to watch One Direction’s latest music video, for “Night Changes“. It’s this totally farcical polyandry fantasy– the boys are all as endearingly incompetent as young Anne Shirley. Based on that evidence, I feel like Niall would be the most fun to date. I’d just want to swap out his fireside board games for, like, Netflix or even turn-based video games. (But I still identify as a Zayn girl 5ever!)
Anyway, the whole thing was so ridiculous, it did nothing but feed my fantasies wrt ludicrous music videos. Basically I really want Harry to consent to appear in a video for Taylor Swift’s “Style“– one that interprets the lyrics as literally as possible. Like, Amelia Bedelia-esque levels of literalism. He’d show up with his bad driving, long hair slicked back, white t-shirt, James Dean daydream look in his eyes, and so forth. And he’d histrionically lip sync the lines the song attributes to TSwift’s interlocutor. I feel like Harry’s good-natured enough to maybe pull it off…. If you’re in touch with Relevant Music Industry Bigwigs, plz pitch it to them and help me make it happen.
Anyway, in a spirit of celebrating musical absurdities, I’ve got another One Direction makeup review for you. After this, this blog will return to regularly scheduled programming and will no longer be, in the words of my pop music doyen, “1d af”. In the meantime, enjoy this reportage on brightly colored substances– some of which are meant to glow through the (UV-fractured) dark! Here we’ve got Liquilights Glow Gloss, Electroglam Mascara, and the Rock Me Nail Kit, all of which are limited edition and available as of November 15. If you like what you see, enter a giveaway here!
The three sets, though sold separately, are clearly meant to function as a coordinating suite. I think they work well in that capacity, for producing light-hearted, club-ready looks– although individual items can lean either Manic Pixie Dream Girl or high-concept avant-garde, depending on how you style them. In look in feel, these sets are very similar to One Direction’s first wave of makeup releases– the same brick wall motif on all the packaging, including the caps on the lipgloss tubes and nail polish bottles. The aesthetic’s a little more upscale than in the last collection of theirs I reviewed; accordingly, these are being stocked by department stores instead of big box stores. But the prices are still pretty modest– everything is $16.50!
Quantity: 0.68 fl oz
The Liquilights Glow Glosses are supposed to change color under UV light– wish I had the apparatus to test that. The formula boasts “natural oils and vitamin E” for long-lasting moisture. These are pretty comfortable to wear– nor are they particularly tacky. They also carry a creamy, candied scent that fades upon application. I actually kind of like it– totally reminds me of these Big White Rabbit candy chews I used to get at the Asian grocery when I was a kid. All three shades all glitterbombs, with fairly dense holographic shimmer in addition to a high-intensity wet-look finish. Texture-wise, it’s not particularly noticeable– you don’t really feel the grittiness unless you rub your lips together.
Here are the three colors:
Through the Dark— an objectively excellent song– is described as an “electric glitter poppy”. Rumor volat that it glows “neon red-orange”– that I wish I could see. I’d call it a warm rose with some coral tones. The color goes on more-or-less opaquely. More importantly, it applies evenly– no unsightly clumping or sinking into lip lines. Its aggressive shine, taken with the silvering of the embedded glitter, gives the whole thing a finish evocative of Saran wrap.
Here’s Kiss You, an “orange glitter rush” that glows “neon yellow”. I’d say it’s a quintessential summer color– which I like, because it’s namesake song’s always struck me as particularly beach-appropriate. (I’m not a huge fan of beaches. But I appreciate the idea of them, okay?) This one’s the sheerest of the bunch, turning a translucent apricot on the lips. I swear it looks exactly like this OPI nail polish I used to have, also a peachy glitterbomb of epic proportions– was it Peach-a-Boo?
Finally, we’ve got Taken, the obligatory fuchsia-magenta-flamingo pink. I swear, one of these guys surfaces in every Makeup by One Direction launch, which means I think they should make the boys wear it whenever they promote their products. Like, give me eye-searingly bright pink onesies. This one’s described as a “powerhouse glitter pink” that glows “neon orange”. It’s a warm fuchsia– a little more conservative than their other interpretations of “(modifier) pink”. I swear this one has a slightly tackier texture than its sister shades.
Quantity: 0.66 fl oz
I’m not gonna lie, I was most excited about this set, because I am an aesthetic monster who eschews the very notion of Good Taste. I mean, I’ve already got a (modest) collection of weird eyelash pigments– spent years searching for, like, an ideal instantiation of the Perfect Blue Mascara at Ulta. (I’m still looking, if you’ve got any leads.) This formula, which is not waterproof, varies in efficacy depending on the color. They remove really easily. But I’ve found I really need a waterproof formula to hold a curl– those of you blessed with less stubborn lashes might have better luck. These are also supposed to work as a temporary hair colorant, which I haven’t tried.
Without further ado–
Why Don’t We Go There, a “shock of blue”, is a promising new resource in my continued pursuit of Blue Mascara Studies. It’s a matte primary blue that applies truer that the photo you see above; the left eye– your left– is more representative than the right. My first thought up seeing it– this is the mascara version of OCC Rx. Swatching suggests the two are in fact very similar– the lip tar is a trifle darker. Butter London Inky Six, my favorite blue mascara so far, is cooler and less green, with noticeable iridescence. Pop Beauty Inky Indigo is purpler and darker.
Here’s Does He Know?– the question mark’s part of the name– described as a “pinkest hot pink”. (I’m actually not sure what a less pink hot pink would be?) It’s a kind of matte raspberry. And it applies so beautiful– opaque and clump-free. This is, not gonna lie, pretty much a wonder of mascara engineering technology, especially at such a modest price point. I’m actively trying to manufacture more opportunities for rocking pink eyelashes just to take advantage of it.
Finally, here’s Story of My Life, named for what is widely considered the most lyrically cryptic song in One Direction’s oeuvre. If only this mascara were as opaque! It’s described as an “amped canary yellow”, which seems pretty accurate to me– it’s a Tweety Bird color. But actually it makes me think of… bureaucracy? Yellow caution tape and suburban signage. Maybe public school buses, even though those are a little more orange in tone. Anyway, this one was as finicky as Why Don’t We Go There was obliging. I did manage to achieve decent color coverage, but only after several layers that clumped, featherlike; I also had a lot of trouble extending the yellow all the way to the roots of my eyelashes. In the end, though, I kind of like the wild, vaguely avian look I managed to wring out of this trying experience. I’d say this one’s best for avant-garde experimentation.
Quantity: 0.20 oz of solids, 0.81 fl oz of liquids
Lastly, here’s the Rock Me Nail Art Kit, comprising “neon UV-reactive nail varnish” and “UV-reactive glitter nail toppings”. I didn’t try to mess with the latter– I suspect I don’t have the technical expertise to pull it off. I did, however, try out both creme polishes as well as the glitter topcoat.
Here I am wearing Happily on my index and middle finger and Moments on my ring finger and pinkie. The former, described as an “iced blue glitter”, seems pretty obviously like a creme to me? I don’t know, not seeing the glitter. It’s a deep cobalt, neither green nor purple, which unfortunately tends toward sheerness and streakiness– I had to pack on several layers to reach opacity, which ended up bubbling. Moments, a warm “neon pink”, performed much better, yielding the one-swipe payoff I’ve come to expect from One Direction nail varnishes. (Sample size n equals, what, like five at this point?)
Finally, here I am wearing Diana over the above shades. Officially deemed a “3d holographic”, this is a remarkably rich glitter topcoat suffused with dense silver microglitter as well as tiny prismatic strips. Unusually for a special effects topcoat, you don’t have to dig long-sufferingly for the glitter– you’re pretty much guaranteed to get an even distribution of glitz with each swipe. Because of its comparative opacity, Diana can be used to mask a problematic app job with Happily (or any other underperforming lacquer). That pretty much encapsulates my philosophy of life– distract them with glitter!
Eyes: Too Faced Shadow Insurance Candelight, Too Faced Brow Envy, Sugarpill Pressed Eyeshadow in Diamond Eyes and Soot & Stars from Cold Chemistry Palette, Make Up For Ever Aqua Eyes in 23L, Tarina Tarantino Eyelicity Glitter Liner in Black Diamond
Face: Nyx Angel Veil Skin Perfecting Primer, Skin79 Oriental Gold BB Cream Plus, Make Up For Ever 5 Camouflage Cream Palette in No.2, NARS Illuminator in Copacabana, The Balm Lip and Cheek Cream in First Officer from Balm Voyage Holiday Face Palette Palette, Juice Beauty Refining Finishing Powder in Sand